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| If I had a {} my life would be sweet. I’d have men buy stuff in hopes of a treat. |
I’d cradle all day my bundle of nerves. Without ever giving what no man deserves. |
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| If I had a {} I’d excite it for hours, I’d never wear panties, And have a weakness for flowers. |
If I had a {} I’d have sensitive feelings I’d climb up the ladder Right into glass ceilings. |
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| If I had a {} I’d be a conniver, I’d gossip to friends And be a worse driver. |
If I had a {} and taught all the while I’d forget most of my students Ccept who caused me to smile. |
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| If I had a {}, I’d wear it outside, I’d rub it in public And climax with pride. |
If I had a {} I’d cry and I’d wail I’d beg my own passing over a well-deserved fail. |
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| If I had a {} I’d shove in a noodle, I’d walk with small steps And pee like a poodle. |
If I had a {} I’d have mercy on those Who admit their infractions In poem and in prose. |
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| © 1995 | ||