({}) Vagina ({})

 
If I had a vagina my life would be sweet.
I’d have men buy stuff in hopes of a treat.
  I’d cradle all day my bundle of nerves.
Without ever giving what no man deserves.
 
If I had a vagina I’d excite it for hours,
I’d never wear panties,
And have a weakness for flowers.
  If I had a vagina I’d have sensitive feelings
I’d climb up the ladder
Right into glass ceilings.
 
If I had a vagina I’d be a conniver,
I’d gossip to friends
And be a worse driver.
  If I had a vagina and taught all the while
I’d forget most of my students
Ccept who caused me to smile.
 
If I had a vagina, I’d wear it outside,
I’d rub it in public
And climax with pride.
  If I had a vagina I’d cry and I’d wail
I’d beg my own passing
over a well-deserved fail.
 
If I had a vagina I’d shove in a noodle,
I’d walk with small steps
And pee like a poodle.
  If I had a vagina I’d have mercy on those
Who admit their infractions
In poem and in prose.
 
© 1995

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